The Reunion

Extracts from letters Clark wrote to me in the years 1999 and 2000 give some insight into God's gracious restoration of Clark Taylor at the close of the decade. God also graciously restored our marriage on December 2nd, 2000.
...submitted by his wife Anne Taylor

May 1999
Every month I feel myself getting better and stronger spiritually and emotionally. It has been a long, hard struggle to find my way back into God's presence and power. I am so sad for my sin, the past wasted 10 years, for hurting my family. At times the inner pain is unbearable. How I got so deceived by the devil I'll never know on this earth. I only know the devastation in me was almost complete, but God has held me and for that I am eternally grateful.

August 1999
I am so free. I have to get used to my freedom. It's like Jesus has let me out of a terrible prison. I am so glad to be free. I am able to walk with God in wholeness in Spirit, Soul and Body. It is such a wonderful feeling. If your heart condemns you not, you have confidence with God. It's finally true for me. I can never fully explain the horror stretch of the last 10 years. I think I had to rise up within against demonic forces that held me and I was rendered unable to do what I had to do and what I wanted to do. What a tragedy I have made of my life. Many times I am overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of the tragedy. The journey has been hell. God has been very kind to me. He gave the courage to break the demonic hold that seemd to have paralysed me within for years. It was very difficult. I read Proverbs 1-9 regulary. I hunger for God's wisdom and can feel it beginning to open my life. I have learned God so much. I have a newfound freedom that is more precious to me than life. It is just so nice to be living a holy lifestyle. I am learning to live out of the Lord Jesus Christ who lives within me. This may sound too good to be true, but it is true. I am beyond grateful to Him for rescuing me far beyond any place I ever had in Him before. It is as if the Lord has delivered me from my Egypt after all these years, and I have come out with about 18 years of back wages in Spiritual development and growth. I have learned so much on my long, very painful journey back to God. I have learned God Himself. God has rebuilt me and I have a childlike happiness. I often think with great remorse about the past. I am now a very different person. I have never enjoyed the presence of God in my life as much as I am now.

September 1999
When I am close to God and He is speaking to me, I feel that He will use me again in Australia. It doesn't seem possible in the natural, but if ever I have heard Him, I am hearing Him now.
 
October 1999
God has been very good to me here in the USA. He certainly is kind and generous. I am very blessed that He still loves me and walks with me. I have learned so much about God and His ways, especially this year. I am pretty much better now. I feel I know myself again for the first time in years. I have been very sick in my mind and emotions. I have been very confused and tormented in my mind. My erratic behaviour bore loud testimony to a disturbed individual. I really needed friends and most deserted me. I understand how satan destroys people now. I think I can understand the soul and its ways. I intend to spend the rest of my life mending my bad testimony and building a good example. I can truly say the Lord is wonderful. He has been so very good to me and I love Him for it. There is much teaching about Him, but very little preaching Him. Paul said it in a nutshell, "Him we preach." It is Him, not knowledge about Him that makes such a profound difference. How I wish I could live my life over, knowing what I know now. It has taken me 60 long years to grow up.

November 1999
I have learned a greater dependance on the Holy Spirit than ever before in my life. I am preaching on a revelation God has given me on how to live in the felt Presence of God's character e.g. holiness, purity, love, power, peace etc. I have wanted to start another church in Australia as I love people and it is so fulfilling watching them grow. I can't get a release from God to do so. Perhaps it will come later on. When I have been very close to Him at times and ask Him about my future, He seems to assure me that He will use me to glorify Him in Australia in a wonderful way. It seems impossible, but when I am in prayer that old boldness is coming back. Australia is where I belong. I felt again Spirit-boldness rise up in me to defy the devil stopping me from walking across the land in the Spirit and taking thousands out of His hand. I have nothing except God...a past against me. I am 62 and doctors say I am dying with this heart, but when I am in the Spirit and that daring in the Spirit rises up in me, I feel that only increaes the challenge, and all things are possible. If God opens a door, I will walk through, and I really believe He will. I feel in the Spirit that God is far from finished with me yet. We'll see. It was after David's fall and rise again that he was called a man after God's own heart. It seems to me that it would be like the Lord to take up a man considered old by many, terminally ill, and a failure, and say, "You will do. I will work wonders through you." I really believe I have more of the Spirit of wisdom regarding church and walking with God than I ever had in my life before. I feel so honoured that God is breathing over my life again.

November 1999
There used to be a gift from God over my life that when people would ask me what to do regarding churches, as I spoke, I would know what to say. Obviously it was God, for really a lot was accomplished in those 15 years in Christian Outreach Centre. Souls were saved, people were made whole, Centres were started, money raised, men and women trained etc. While it was happening, the gift was a part of my life that I depended on. I will never forget the awful feeling of lostness and aloneness that I lived in for years after the gift was gone. Now it has returned. God has shown me the most wonderful thing, that is, how to live in and walk in the felt Presence of God; His love, peace, holiness, sanctification, righteousness, power etc. I am whole now. I am really content in God. I truly have found such a Godly holiness and an infilling of His Person. It is absolutely fulfilling. In meetings, the wonderful thing to me is that there is very little of my energy. There is a flow of the Spirit of God from within. I have learned so much from the Holy Spirit. He is teaching me step by step. I think I have learned as much in the last eighteen months as I had in all the years before. The difference is that this time the truth is settling deep within me and is not producing human energy, but I am learning, by His grace alone, simply to let His Spirit flow through me. I am deeply grateful to God for the wholeness He has brought me into and for allowing the gifts that used to be over my life to be there again only this time with a totally new depth and quality. The thing I am so deeply grateful to God for is the new quality He has birthed and is developing in my life...a quality of depth and love and wholeness. It is in large part what I have sought for all my Christian life. The striving and drive-ness that nearly destroyed me, but I seemed powerless to overcome, has, I think, totally left me. I feel in the Spirit that doors will open for me in Australia and perhaps New Zealand. The other day while in prayer, I became aware of many doors swinging open on well-oiled hinges. I won't push for it. If God wants that, that will be fine.

February 2000
I have to be careful of my thoughts. I can't think  I did right. What an absolute mess I made of my life. If God hadn't been so kind to me, to show me to feel the truth, that is, my justification, His righteousness, His wholeness within me, I think the floods of remorseful thinking about the past would so overwhelm me that I could become a depressed recluse. I had no idea what I was doing. How I regret the past. It cost so much. I long to be the very best for Jesus Christ that I can possibly be. I truly feel I am on a very secure road to that end. I will never stop thanking Him for what He has shown me over the past months. I know my nature is being transformed. Jesus Christ is glorious. His Majesty is supreme. I am thank ful to God for using me here in the USA, but I am looking forward to coming home to Australia very much. God restored not only the man and the marriage, but also the ministry of Clark Taylor. At the time of writing, January 2001, the major expression of the ministry is through WORSHIPCENTE, which has on it many marks of the sovereignty of God.